Chris and Shioun

So proud of her! Time for our awesome summer to begin!

Some of you know that in my teens and twenties, I’ve lived with an uneasy feeling that I’d never live past 30. Don’t bother asking me why, I can’t explain it but it’s true. For starters, I never thought saying “hi, I’m Chris and I’m thirty-____” rolled off the tongue. Even as early as 15 when these thoughts started to percolate, I imagined my “last days” of my twenties and started to speculate.

What would I look like? Would I still have a huge set of man boobs? Given my growth trajectory would I be 7 feet tall? Would I still have all my limbs, would I be paralyzed, would I be able to play sports? Would I have finally received that sex change operation? JK.

Who would I be? A doctor, a lawyer, or a criminal? An engineer or an astronaut? One thing is for sure, I never said a digital media and advertising professional with a background in Microbiology. In my youth when people asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I said “RICH.” Ha. Hasn’t happened yet and I have a fresh start to a new decade to try, but I’m finding that the currency most important to me now isn’t monetary.

Who am I going to know? Celebrities? Presidents? Professional athletes? Musicians? Who are my friends going to be? I’m lucky to still be close to my high school buddies, and have picked up some great college and work friends along the way. In that way I do feel rich. At the top of the list of “work buddies” is my future wife, who is a girl of such amazing qualities that I had previously written off that girls like this existed.

What would I have accomplished? I’m not the type to stick to a “need to do before I’m 30” list, but I did try to make one:

Make a certain amount of money and establish a career
Bungee jump
Attend the NBA, Stanley Cup finals, as well as the Super Bowl and the World Series.
Skydive
Ride a Shark with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads
Travel to many foreign places
Play an open mic in a public space
Find an amazing girl, have her fall madly in love with me, and marry her

I’m happy to say a lot of those are checked off, while some will continue, and some I’ll have to look forward to! Do I have a list for 40? Too early to say, but I’d think new additions are:

Have amazing kids
Buy a house
Learn to play another sport (hockey?)
Learn to play another instrument (piano?)
Make it to 40!

That leaves a lot of room to fill in the blanks, and I’m excited to see what I come across.

I have to admit that the last few weeks did feel a bit odd. A little bit of Final Destination cheating-death type of feeling from my earlier inclinations, and some wow I’ve been saying that I’m “basically 30” for the past 4 years and I really am 30 now would be the best description. Sidebar – the 30 year old version of me would tell the 26 year old version to shut the mouth, because 26 seems so young now! So you all that are still late twenties, stop saying you’re basically 30, because you are not.

Now that I’m here I look back at younger me, and want to tell him not to worry, that things will be more than fine, in fact life will be great at 30. I’m not sure what happened along the way, but there’s a sense of peace, satisfaction, and joy when I look at my life. There’s comfort, excitement, and laughter in every corner.

There are many ways to approach this decade. I’ve heard everything from “that’s when the $h!t hits the fan” for your body, that it’s also the most fun and exciting decade, to that the glory days are over and you need to hunker down and become an adult. I’m happy to report that all outlooks are positive. I get to marry the girl I love to kick things off. I get to continue spending time with my family of relentlessly loving parents and a rad younger brother who I think the world of, that I have been blessed to be born into. I get to invest and reap immediate benefits from meaningful friendships that have surpassed or are approaching a decade themselves. I get to continue learning and challenging myself professionally. All these things motivate me to take care of myself in all dimensions so I can make it to the next tens-digit changing, as I am sure there will be much to experience along the way and to expect for the decades beyond.

The joyful version of me is cheering saying “I made it!” and the downer is saying “it could have been worse.” Both are true. I’m a lucky dude.

12th Sep 2011 | 5 notes

10 Years and 1 Day Later

It could have been the memorial services on TV, the heightened security yesterday for our flight from LAX to SFO, the hours of documentaries I watched yesterday before sleeping, or the last year in general contemplating death as defining life, but I find myself wanting to put thoughts on [digital] paper.

I’ve been fascinated, though in a solemn and curious way, with the finite lifespan and the steady rate of time. The shock stories are fun to talk about (Nike MAGs coming out as we really approach 2015, current college students/grads we knew as young kids, and benchmark ages loved ones are reaching) but to me, it’s when I take a serious step back and exit all my roles/identities/perspectives for a second and try to watch human progression as objectively as possible. In general, it seems that we’re distracted from what people have enjoyed for thousands of years before us, because we’re living after arguably the three most disruptive decades that changed the way we communicate and interact with each other.

I don’t think we should live a day without reminding ourselves the oddities and miracles of life’s beginning and ending. Modern day science and technology allow us to analyze, engineer, and arbitrarily define aspects of life just to admit that we don’t understand why it’s around. We still only observe and manipulate with science, not create. Does creation then come strictly from art, with science as mere tools? A person spends the time between birth and death being able to understand themselves, their families, their spouse, kids, and friends, without any technical instruction. Are we all artists, and is our life our sole piece of work?

You can see how I’ve been driving myself bonkers in this steadily contemplative mood for the past 12 months. I suppose a lot has happened — decided to ask someone to live their life with me, grandfather passed away, started to plan a wedding, switched jobs, and now fast approaching a birthday that for some reason I never thought I’d reach when I was younger (odd and morbid, I know). Maybe it’s seeing my friend’s Facebook photos overrun with their babies and witnessing another generational iteration of life. Whatever the case, life seems very short, very quick, and very real that you only get “one take.”

I loved procrastinating when I was younger. In my twenties I suppose I procrastinated selectively, usually with chores and things I knew were good for me, like exercising. Now, I hate the thought. Not only are we born with a biological timer, but life can really be taken away from you at any moment. Though you may take care of yourselves, there are accidents, crimes, and diseases that can take it all away.

The people that passed 10 years and 1 day ago, were parts of families, sons/daughters, fathers/mothers, husbands/wives, beloved friends. I’m sure some sat in the nosebleeds, and some sat courtside, while some loved their spouses while some despised theirs. And some were probably still looking for theirs, or had just met them. Even when I watch cars drive by I wonder where all those people are going, what in all of their lives require them to be on that road at the same time? What leads them to all individually live their life and unknowingly collectively be a part of something bigger? All of those people that got on those planes, went to work at those buildings, or went to work by heading into those buildings all… had plans for 9/12/01.

I’m beginning to see life isn’t what you do but how you do it. It’s not the size of the canvas but the colors you use. Your lines may be straight or your brushstrokes may be sweeping and curvy, it’s all up to interpretation isn’t it? I see Facebook and Twitter feeds stream by, and to me it’s just an invitation to take a look ast the picture you’re painting. But it’s not the painting as the Marketing team isn’t R&D.

When all that’s left is our painting on a white wall and we’re not around to shout invites to look, I believe that the lives best spent will be masterpieces that simply cause someone to briefly stop, stare, and inspire the next brushstroke to another canvas. There have been many masterpieces that I’ve seen, in remembering 9/11/01.

-chris